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We all have junk in our heads. This is mine.

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Perspective… does it matter?

It has been a while since I have last blogged.. but maybe you aren’t aware of that tidbit. Well, until I mentioned it.

I have been very busy with life, work and COS (think college without credit). But the very topic is the topic of discussion today. Perspective!

Perspective… the refers to it as a mental view point,

I have to admit I function 70% of the time within my own perspective. That being said, I admit to focusing on what I see. The lenses I see through most of the time are based on the following criteria…. Do your own list too..

  • Parents had me later in life (parents in mid 40’s); most thought they were my grandparents.
  • My sister is 20 years older than me; most thought she was my mom.
  • I have an identical twin; we don’t dress or act alike. (twin day isn’t really twin day it is dress like your best friend day.. we wouldn’t dress alike on purpose)
  • I am married to Shelly; therefore one man and one woman-married matters to me.
  • I have been blessed with four kids; therefore saying you have a handful with your two kids doesn’t carry a ton of weight for me.. if you say 6 then I am praying for you.
  • I was born in Michigan, therefore I am a Michigan fan; most think this it true. Or they should lol.
  • I refer to Michigan as God’s country; most don’t get it until they visit West Michigan.. Then they believe or are just in denial.
  • I am a youth minister; most think I am holier than them, nope just saved through grace like we all are.
  • I have a full time job; most think I have the weekends off.. nope Monday is my day off
  • Since I am a pastor I am always working; the reality is I need down time too.
  • If I don’t write it down it will not happen; most who know me know this truth.. it is a fact!
  • I have 3 girls and a son; most think I wanted kids until a son is born; reality is God blessed us with 4 individually awesome unique kids..
  • Most think my kids are or should be perfect due to my employment; however they are still kids and I can’t assume your kids is a rocket scientist because you are can I? for argument I do know a rocket scientist and his kids aren’t rock scientists….

I think you get my point…

So how do we deal with perspective?

The news has been all over cop shootings, cops shooting people and black lives matter.

I have been taught to respect authority, to care for and respect all life and everyone matters. I have been struggling to watch videos and news footage of people killing people, then people retaliating on people (even though they are different people than the one they had issues with) and so forth. It is a vicious cycle.

One video I watched showed an older white male trying to walk down the street, through a demonstration of black lives matter (African American women) who wouldn’t let him pass… they were making a point that black lives matter but demonstrated our protest (example) matters more than you walking down the street.

I know several police officers who are very good people. They care about their community, and being a safe person for those in need. They will do their job to the best of their ability within the law. They love their kids, they wives and work hard to keep us safe. They would never just shoot someone… in fact the ones I know have never drawn a gun on someone. They would rather avoid conflict than create it. Plus one said it is a lot of paperwork and who likes paperwork.


I have four kids (mentioned before) and they are all uniquely different. I am figuring out something finally. They are all wired differently and I need to adjust to their perspective if I am going to be used by God to help shape them into the people He has created them to be. I admit…. Most of the time I fail at this because I am concerned about my perspective not theirs.
I have done some poor perspectives when it comes to helping them grow, being a safe place for them to turn. It is a two way street but I always need to be the one looking at their perspective and determining the best communications possible to connect with them. Again.. I fail often here.. if you would ask them I would guess they would say fail more than not but it is perspective.


When someone sees me in the community, they assume I am working and bring up a work need or situation. However they wouldn’t think of being asked a question about their employment when they aren’t at work.. see the perspective changes how we respond to people. I admit again, times I fail at remembering their perspective and helping them learn mine.


As I mentioned before, I am in COS and our class is based on several books, bible books and writings. One of the objectives was to take strength finders assessment. This assessment helps you know your strengths with the hope you will focus to grow them more than you try to grow your weaknesses. The book (resources) believes it is better to grow your strengths and help others grow theirs as we align with others who have different strengths than we do to accomplish certain tasks. I felt this was a great way of looking at things but realize.. it is also perspective.


I am closing out this portion of the blog (which should be multiple posts but isn’t) with a thought.

How much better would our life be, our world be if we would take a deep breathe and look at it from others perspectives.. This might help us understand we all have needs, wants, opinions and perspectives. No one’s perspective is wrong to them, it is just that a perspective.

We can change the world by changing ourselves and looking to view things through others perspectives not assuming they all know ours….




Warning 6 of 8, Soap Opera own real life.

soap opera picThe Guiding Light, Days of Our Lives, and others. I assume some of you have no idea what those are or mean but to others it is a flash from the past and unfortunately still lingering on today. They were famous soap operas in the 1980s and 1990s. I never watched them (no really I never have) but my grandmother did and she would get wrapped up in this make believe world… the lies, the cheating, the romance etc. I begin to wonder if the modern day reality TV has replaced the old fashion Soaps?

I have watched a few of them… survivor for one. It is a reality game show but is it a reflection of our world? I am beginning to think so.. We watch the show thinking this is awesome… A player just got blind sides. A blind side is when someone is deceived or lied to and then gets voted out of the game. Blind sides are good to get people out of the game but are they really that good?

I am not sure about you but can assume you don’t like being lied to. I don’t like it all and it is my boiling point for sure. My tolerance for being lied to is zero.

God warns us in great detail to watch out for false witnesses who pour out lies. Why would he have such a huge focus on this?

Proverbs 6:19 “ a false witness who pours out lies.” This verse goes along with the warning series I have been blogging about. I know God cares for his people and warns us because He cares. So, what can we gain from this verse…

No one… I mean no one likes to be lied too. No one … I mean no one likes to be caught lying… No one I mean, No one really forgets when someone lies to us…

Here is a simple warning… If you don’t like being lied to, you shouldn’t lie to others. But in reality our world justifies lies and being a white lie… or lying to keep the person from being hurt or for protection…

I am all for taking care of people but I was taught from my mother that your lies will find you out. Eventually you will be held responsible for your actions… maybe not on this earth but as we move to eternity we will be held accountable.

Lets begin day by day, conversation by conversation, thought by thought to choose to heed God’s warning and not become a liar and watch out for those who look to deceive you…

Words… they build or break down.. Words Matter

We all live in a world of communication…
1. Social media abound.. Facebook, Instant Messenger, Periscope, Twitter, Instagram, Snap Chat, etc
2. Writings abound.. Blogs, video blogs, books, ebooks, newspapers, etc
3. Spoken words abound.. the dinner table, the water cooler, barbershops, coffee shops, etc

We are bombarded by words, some we say, some we hear, some we think. Words can build or break down.

I have read articles and reports about words… some say it takes sixteen positive words to replace or rebuild one one negative word. Women are said to speak thousands of words a day compared to men speaking into the hundreds, though I am not sure I think this is true depending on the subject matter, men can talk a lot while women might not say much.

You can write a fabulous letter to someone or a group of people only to have it destroyed by one miss spelled word.
You can send a text message and have it autocorrect and mean something that is no wheres near close to watch you intended to communicate.
You can spell your name to the Barista at Coffee house only to get your cup with someone else’s name or your name spelt completely wrong.. the drink is good but the presentation fails. I know a group of youth workers who find it funny and post the various names written on the cups, but it still bothers me some to see them wrong.

I attended an on line email writing seminar that recommended we write an email but prior to sending have a trusted friend proof read it. I thought this was nice but who has time to write an email, send to a friend for proofing and then rewrite said email online to send it out again? But, if we are truly trying to communicate well, it might take that.

But what about words spoken? How do they impact you?

I know I can work hard and be successful all day long feeling great about what is accomplished and have one conversation destroy that immediately. I have had several occasions in the past few days where this has happened. Yes, we need to recognize the work we do and the mistakes we make but we, as the hearer, need to remember two things…
1. You don’t know where the person saying the hurtful words is coming from, or what has happened to them to cause the words to be said, assuming they even knew they were hurtful.
2. You can’t allow one conversation to wreck a very successful day. It is your job to make sure you are building yourself up and surrounding yourself with good people, honest people who will shoot straight with you.

But what if you are the one speaking the bad words…..?
I know we can say hurtful things without even knowing it and we need to make sure to seek out the person who we have hurt and make it right… that takes a big person, someone who is willing to grow.
I know I have said things with the intent to strike back and hurt others with my words… I am sorry to say that but it is true. I have meant harm with my words… but I know it isn’t the right thing or even mature thing to do.

I am encouraging all of us to think before we speak…

think before you post on twitter or Facebook… since the person you might be speaking to doesn’t have a clue and your words will hurt others who aren’t meant to hear them.

think before you respond to a parent, spouse, boss or friend… are you angry, upset or feeling off… if so maybe you need to take a deep breath and wait to speak.

think before you post that picture on social media… it might be cool or funny now but could cost you a job, relationship or respect from others.

think before you reply to a hurtful email… no reason to hurt someone who hurt you.


I would encourage us all to try this one …. if the last word a person will ever hear from you before you die or they die is what you just said… are you ok with that? I know I am making a mountain out of an ant hill but we need to be more sensitive to the words we use as our world moves to using less words to communicate.
Make them count for the good not the bad.

What would your mother say?

I know we are living in a new world, one where technology rules and we can get the word out in 140 characters but come on really?
I always struggled with the five words in the title… What would your mother say….

I would hear this growing up in several different venues… from school, the back yard, and within certain groups. They were the dreaded words many of us didn’t want to hear.. the only other ones worse are “wait til your dad gets home..”
I am now married and parent… my parents are both deceased and I live in a different state but those words have been ringing more and more true as the world of instant messaging, twitter and facebook grow more and more popular.
I often sit and read various posts from students, adults and peers and think.. what would your mother say? or would you say such things in front of her?
I unfortunately feel some would simply reply yes but to the rest of us…
What do our words communicate? What message are we communicating to the world?
Is the message getting the results you and I hope for? Are we really needing to use that example, or some of color words or some photos that just aren’t acceptable but we justify them with simply words… like everyone is doing it, or using them so it is ok…. who cares, I was angry….
My head and heart are challenged to confront this one within my heart but also to the social media world.
I recently attended a funeral of a 91 year old lady, she was a mother, grandmother and great grandmother to some of the most special people in my life. During the service the minister began talking about her legacy… now we hear the word a lot these days but not in context of social media…
I would like to ask a simple question… What sort of legacy are you creating for your kids, grand kids and great grand kids? Will the post you use, pictures you are in and words you tweet building a great legacy of honor, something to be proud of or not?
It is in the day to day situations in life when we need to be most mindful of what we say, how we say it and to whom…
I can admit to posting, saying, tweeting things my mother wouldn’t appreciate or accept… and I am being challenged to change this and realize the short term and long term effects of things we say and post in social media… maybe you can call me a freak but at some point in life we need some accountability, for me my mom kept us accountable or we felt it…
If your mom or grand mother could see it would she be thankful or disappointed… maybe it is time for a change.

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